I Used to Worry
Thoughts from a homeschooling dad about socializing
Thursday, November 2, 2023
When Wrenn and I started dating seriously enough to talk about our future together she mentioned that she wanted to homeschool our kids. When she said this, all I could think about were my cousins. At the time, they were the only people that I knew who were homeschooled, and in my mind they were pretty “weird”. They were amazing and I loved them, but they were a little odd. I had always told myself the story that they were “weird” because they were homeschooled. They didn’t have the chance to socialize so they were weird. Because of that I was pretty anti homeschool, but I wasn’t going to let this small thing get in the way of me and Wrenn. After all, we'd get married, and I would have years to change her mind and convince her that public school was the best option before we had kids. Needless to say I was wrong, and boy am I happy I was.
When people talk to us about homeschooling our kids, the number 1 question that comes up is “aren’t you worried about them getting socialized?” At first I truly was. I fell for the lie that school was the only place to socialize, then we started homeschooling, and I realized something. I got in trouble for socializing in school WAY more than I was encouraged to socialize in school. Don’t talk in class, don’t talk in the halls, don’t pass notes. Go to class, be quiet and listen. Thats what I was taught. In elementary school, I had the grace of recess, but that ended with jr. high. No more recess, which meant that hour of time that we got to play and socialize was gone. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t ready to stop playing at age 12. Why did they take away recess so early?
In school you also are pretty limited on who you socialize with. I think one of the biggest misconceptions of homeschooled kids, is that they’re all hermits who never leave their room, and just do worksheets with mom all day. That’s not the case. My kids have the opportunity to socialize with people of all different backgrounds. They socialize with kids their own ages, but they also socialize with kids younger, and older than them. They also socialize with adults all the time, because we allow them to socialize with us, while we socialize. In school, when you can socialize, you typically do so with kids your same age in the same grade, and a lot of times, similar backgrounds to yourself. There is great power in opening your circle to all types of people. You’ll learn and talk about things that you wouldn’t have the chance to talk about if you only socialized with people similar to yourself.
Then why are so many homeschool kids “weird”?
I want you to do me a favor. Think back to when you were in school. Did you know any weird kids? Really think about that… I’m sure you thought of well more than just one kid. I know I did. Kids are molded in the home, not at school. It doesn’t matter if you homeschool or send your kids to public school, children are molded in the home. If the parents are odd, then the kids will be too. If the parents like sports, their kids probably will too. If the parents like video games, the kids probably will too.
Lets also address one other thing. Who really gets to determine what’s “weird” and what’s normal? Something that’s normal to you might be weird to someone else. I for one don’t like video games. I don’t think they’re cool and I don’t want anything to do with them, but I know some people who think they’re the coolest things on the planet. And quite frankly after you graduate, it really doesn’t matter. Nobody cares that you won the state football championship as a junior. No one cares that you beat Zelda in less than an hour. And no one cares the slightest bit that you were homecoming queen or king. None of it matters in the grand scheme of things. What matters is that you know how to talk to other people confidently, and show others respect. You listen more than you talk. You build real relationships based on things that have meaning to them.
When it comes to socializing, school does one thing. It gives kids the opportunity to meet other kids that they can then socialize with outside of school. That’s it. You as the parent have the power to do that same thing. Between church, sports, co-ops, taking your kids to work, taking them to service opportunities, putting them in classes such as martial arts, or dance, I’m sure you could find a way to give your child the opportunity to meet new people. I think you’ll be surprised at how naturally it comes to them. I used to worry about my kids missing out on the social aspects of life, but as we’ve gone through this journey of homeschooling our kids, I can gladly say it’s no longer a worry of mine.
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