tackle the hard days
how we embrace the struggle and find strength to keep going
Wednesday, February 8, 2023
One morning, after a particularly difficult week, my 9 year old sat making a loaf of bread, commenting on every ingredient. “The yeast is my favorite ingredient.” she said. “Mom, you’re just like the yeast, helping us all to rise to our fullest potential.” I couldn’t even try to help the tears from overflowing. I had been sitting in my failures for too many days to remember the good that I work hard to contribute. I told her how thankful I am that she can see right past my hard days, and see me for who I long to be. She responded that she’s just trying to be like Jesus, who never sees us as our mistakes, and always knows who we actually are, as the very best versions of ourselves. She’s always been an old soul, wise beyond her years.
My kids can always tell when I’ve reached the end of my rope. I sometimes wish I was better at hiding my feelings, but I tend to be a little bit of a crier, be it tears of joy, relief, pride, overwhelm, desire….I once even cried real tears because I saw a mini donkey that I wanted to buy. They have set their own very specific protocol for when mom is feeling overwhelmed: Sometimes I’ll hear them outside the door of my hiding space, giving each other assignments. My boy will say, “Quick! There are some chocolate truffles in the cupboard!” and the littlest responds, “I’ll go get the coziest blanket in the world!” Sometimes I feel guilty for having been in this space enough times that they know just what to do. But here is what I remember when my mind is in a healthy and calm space:
It’s okay, and healthy even, for them to see me fall. I get to be a wonderful example to them of making big mistakes and feeling my feelings, and then taking responsibility, getting up, apologizing, and trying again. I have read all the parenting books and blogs, I meditate and do affirmations, eat well, move my body, and sleep as much as motherhood allows, but some days I still find myself raising my voice to make it heard.
I find that when I don’t feel in control of my day, I melt down. My mind thrives on having a routine, and knowing what to expect every second. It’s a struggle I have been consciously and constantly working to improve. And it’s completely ok for me to have something big like that that I need to fix about myself.
People often claim that homeschooling would be too hard for them. I used to respond by reminding them that parenting is hard - and homeschooling is no harder than parenting. I have since learned that it actually isn’t parenting, or homeschooling, or marriage, or going to work….it’s LIFE that’s hard. Existence by design is a challenge. It’s a beautiful challenge that gives us the opportunity to change in all the most amazing ways.
Hard days are inevitable, no matter what any influencer on social media claims. I wish I could sit here and give you a list of things to do that will wipe out hard days completely. In our house, we’re learning how to embrace the struggle and accept it as a sign to take a step back, and let the day unfold in its own ways. And when the guilt tries to tell you to do more, remember this: children learn just by being alive. Imaginative play is learning. Nature is the most brilliant teacher. Laughter and snuggles are soul-strengthening and confidence-building. So go ahead and toss today’s checklist out the window, be honest with yourself and your children about how you’re feeling, take a second to yourself, and then just sit in the beauty of nothingness with your babies until the day passes.
Tomorrow will be better.
Watch the video here:
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download the recipe for my focaccia loaf from the video:
download this recipe the old-school way: right click and save image!
