Embrace Intentional slowness
How to love spending time with your kids
Friday, July 28, 2023
I have really been procrastinating sharing this video, because I never want this space to feel accusatory or offensive. But I feel I have something important to share, and I hope if you’re watching this you have an open and tender heart, and know that I’m also speaking with a tender heart.
The following experience was shared by veteran homeschool mom, Bonnie Matthews - also known as @thequalifiedhomeschooler
“What must that feel like, always being viewed as a nuisance? I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember a time in my adult life that I was treated wthe way my kids are often treated. I am frequently asked why I keep them at home with me when there are schools that will gladly take them off my hands five days a week. What kills me is that I am asked this by complete strangers while my kids are standing right next to me. Sometimes the stranger declares, “I could never handle that much of my kids!” while their own children stand by their side.
Can you imagine? A stranger asks your husband why he married you when there are so many fish in the sea. You’re hanging out with a friend who takes a phone call and tells the person on the other end how exhausting you are and they can’t wait to go home and be alone. But this is what society does with our kids. They believe that these little people should grow up assuming that they are too much trouble to have around during most days. They need to go elsewhere so that their parents can breathe.”
Similar to Bonnie matthews, over the years, I’ve had quite a few parents say to me, “I could never homeschool my kids, I couldn’t handle spending that much time with them.” or “I don’t like my kids enough to homeschool them.” My heart has broken over and over again over statements like these. But I was given a new perspective last summer, and have some thoughts on this tender topic..
As a family who really values quality time together, we are very selective about our extracurriculars. We love choosing activities that teach valuable, lifelong skills, and enjoy being able to provide our children with an abundance of interaction with their peers, while connecting with people who have similar goals and passions. Last year our family was going to a local Jiu Jitsu academy, and the kids were really thriving - so when they announced that they’d be offering a summer camp, the littles worked hard to earn all the money they needed to pay for the camp themselves. This was a month long day camp, and SO different from the life we had grown accustomed to.
The daily hustle to get everyone ready and out the door by a certain time brought so many feelings of anxiety and contention. While we are always very early risers, and we do hustle to get to church every Sunday, there is something about having somewhere to be every single morning that was just draining. Our days started out so rushed, and without the softness, and the conversation, and the ease that we were used to.
And then while the kids were gone I was just so exhausted and filled with guilt for how I handled the rush that I never felt productive or restful at all. When they came home, after having been with a huge group of kids all day, feeling so exhausted, we just didn’t even have the energy to be kind to each other. And I wonder if maybe that’s the only version of their kids that most parents are getting to know - and vice versa! As agonizing as it feels for me to admit this, I found myself thinking the thoughts I had been so offended by before, and looking forward to the moments of quiet while the kids were gone, because the moments together had stopped being enjoyable.
We as a people have grown so accustomed to this rushed and chaos-filled life, that we’ve forgotten how to exist in peace. We assume that life is increasingly difficult, and people are increasingly nasty, but I don’t think we even know who we, ourselves, are without the stress. I am personally ashamed of the person I became just in those few short weeks.
I was thrilled to be able to have all my babies back full time once camp ended, and I now have a new and beautiful appreciation for our slow mornings, and every second we get to be together. It took time to transition back, but I was eventually filled once again with that love and desire to be together with nowhere to go.
I hope anybody who hears this has the opportunity to truly meet their kids for the first time…without somewhere to be, or some outside influence. Without the stress and chaos of modern life. Power through the transition, and see what happens when you embrace an intentional slowness. I think you’ll like the people you find there.
Watch the video here:
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